John Sugden (Oliver Farnworth) is a man with a plan. Return to Emmerdale, kill his half-brother Robert Sugden (Ryan Hawley), and live happily ever after with ex-husband Aaron Dingle (Danny Miller), who presumably will fall head over heels for the man who just murdered the love of his life.  Makes perfect sense, right?

Only in John’s head.

Due to the trauma of losing a loved one in war, the murderous medic has a habit of putting those he loves the most in terrible danger just so he can swoop in and play the hero.

In the mind of the sociopathic Sugden, Aaron has been psychologically manipulated and coerced into a relationship by Robert, so naturally, bumping off Robert is the only solution.

For a man who knows exactly the right dosage of sedative to render a human being unconscious, John’s evil scheme is seriously lacking in the logic department.

After fleeing the Dales to escape justice for the murder of Nate Robinson (Jurell Carter), John has returned and has been wreaking revenge by tormenting our beloved Robron.

Although his twisted plan hit a snag in the form of Robert’s delightfully delusional prison hubby, Kev Towsend (Christopher Coghill). Like John, Kev’s still holding a candle for his ex. Psycho Sugden turned this to his advantage by kidnapping the man-bunned maniac, planning to frame him for Robert’s murder.

After all, who’s got a better motive than a spurned lover? Kev already attacked Aaron with a sword. He’s the perfect scapegoat.

However, that plan hit a serious (and hilarious) snag when Kev tricked John into setting him free… only to beat seven bells out of him and steal his last remaining packets of sandwiches. Beaten and humiliated, John needed a new plan.

That plan was revealed on New Year’s Day, when big bad John turned up in Robert’s flat brandishing a shotgun, sabotaged the boiler, and proceeded monologue his entire plan in true supervillain style while his half-brother slowly succumbed to carbon monoxide poisoning in scenes so bonkers they would make Coronation Street’s Becky Swain (Amy Cudden) blush.

It turns out, John has been behind everything – and I do mean everything. Setting the trees outside the flat on fire, the brick through Aaron’s windshield, shooting at them from the woods, the Christmas card containing a bullet and Kev’s wedding ring. All to frame Kev for Robert’s untimely demise.

Just as Robert is breathing is last, Aaron bursts in on the sinister scene and begs John to spare his life.

John gives Aaron his whole hero complex spiel about how Aaron’s been under Robert’s control and he doesn’t even realise it. Cue the world’s most awkward Q and A session, where an uneasy Aaron basically points out all the flaws in John’s plan that I just did. But John doesn’t seem like the kind of bloke to take constructive feedback.